The Diary of Lily Evans
by AnneGurl87
Summary: This story is a companion to Lily and James, Friends Forever?, it is similar, but told in a more personal fashion. Please read and review!
1. PROLOUGE

PROLOUGE: Present Day  
  
It was the last day before school ended of Harry Potter's fifth year at Hogwarts. He was very happy, dating his long time crush Cho Chang. She had gotten over Cedric and both had helped each other heal from his death. The end-of-term feast had begun and the House Cup and Quidditch Cup we're being announced.  
  
Dumbledore arose and adjusted his half moon spectacles.  
  
"Ahhh. I am sad to see you all go. Some of you will return next year, and others of you will move into the real magical world out there." He grinned at the students who hardly seemed sad about leaving at all. All except Harry of course. Harry would have preferred dealing with Snape and Trelawney for another three months to returning to the Dursley's un- welcoming, need I say, muggle home.  
  
"Well then. There is no more time to waste, unless you all wish to go on the Hogwarts Express with empty bellies." Draco Malfoy sniggered quite loudly at Dumbledore's comment. Harry was not surprised at all that Snape did not take any action against him. Dumbledore merely ignored the slimy git, and continued speaking.  
  
"Well without further ado, I will announce the lucky recipients of this year's Quidditch cup. Gryffindor!"  
  
The students sitting at the table draped in scarlet and gold jumped up and cheered. Harry was beaming with pride, especially when he saw his girlfriend Cho Chang, from the Ravenclaw team, cheering for him. Ron apparently noticed too because he nudged Harry in the side and said. "That girl's got it bad for you mate. She is an opposing seeker, and she is cheering for you."  
  
"I would cheer for her too if she won," Harry hissed back at Ron, who didn't know much about mature relationships. Harry smiled and waved at Cho who blew him a kiss.  
  
"Well then. I see the lions over here are pleased," Dumbledore announced. And he turned to the Professor's table, noting the looks of disappointment from two Heads of House, and a look of pure disgust from Snape.  
  
Then there was a dramatic pause as Dumbledore prepared himself to announce the House Cup winner of the term. "As you all know, or have heard." he winked at Fred and George who were the mischievous boys who spread important rumors like that throughout the school like wildfire, "that this year we had to have a tie breaker between two of the houses. These two houses were Gryffindor and Ravenclaw." Harry, along with every member of either of these houses, was on the edge of his seat in an instant. "After much consideration, and retallying of points, I am proud to announce that this year's winner of the House Cup is Ravenclaw!" Dumbledore shouted.  
  
Applause rang out through the Great Hall. Many of the Slytherins were too rude to even politely clap for the winners, but everyone else was somewhat happy for the Ravenclaws. Some were pleased because finally Gryffindor hadn't won the award. Harry saw Cho being hugged by a bunch of house mates, and he suddenly longed to be in Ravenclaw celebrating with her. Ron and Hermione seemed to have read his thoughts, as they had learned to do throughout their five year friendship.  
  
"Hey mate. I am sure you can go give Cho some congratulations kisses later," Ron winked at Harry, who blushed a bit.  
  
"Yeah. And you can still be in Gryffindor to do so Harry dear," Hermione squeezed his shoulder. "Oh are we embarrassing you Harry?"  
  
"Oh. You guys are getting on my nerves." Harry turned around, and beckoned to Cho. She grinned and tried to sneak out of the Ravenclaw crowd to see Harry. "I'll see you guys on the train." Harry waved to his two best friends as he went over to meet Cho. They went into the main corridor. They didn't care that it was full of upset Slytherins though.  
  
"Hey Cho. Good job." Harry took her by the arm and pulled her close.  
  
"You too, my Quidditch boy," she ran her hand through his messy hair.  
  
"Ugh. It will never lay flat," Harry complained.  
  
"But that is what I love about it," Cho leaned in closer to kiss him, but Harry stopped her.  
  
"What?" Cho asked, confused.  
  
"You do know that I would be just as proud of you if you had won the Quidditch cup, don't you Cho?" Harry asked anxiously.  
  
"Of course I do Harry. Now do you want that kiss or not?" she teased him.  
  
Harry grinned seductively and lifted her chin so that her lips were closer to his. "How could I say no, Chang?"  
  
Cho pressed her mouth against Harry's and they kissed playfully for a minute, then she pulled away. "Chang? My name is Cho. Potter!"  
  
Harry leaned in for another kiss, but the door to the Great Hall swung open suddenly and almost knocked him and Cho over.  
  
"What the?!"  
  
"Sorry 'arry. Cho." It was Hagrid. Harry sighed with relief.  
  
"Hey Hagrid. Scared me a bit." Harry wrapped his arm around Cho's shoulders. "What's up?"  
  
"I have got a present here for ya."  
  
Hagrid handed Harry an old, musty book. He wondered what on earth it could be. He hoped it wasn't a dangerous book for the class Hagrid taught.  
  
"Well. Dumbledore told me that you were asking someone special to you about your parents." his voice trailed off. Harry could tell that Hagrid knew about Sirius. "And well, Lily and James were expecting an attack by you-know-who."  
  
"Say his name," Harry interrupted.  
  
"All right. Vold-em-ort," Hagrid gulped. "And then, er, Lily entrusted this to Dumbledore's care, you know, in case something happened to her and James. Well it was her diary 'arry. We thought it might help answer some of your questions about your parents 'arry."  
  
"Thanks Hagrid," Harry hugged his older friend. "You're the best."  
  
Hagrid's face burned red beneath his beard. "Well I guess I am okay 'arry. Hope you like it."  
  
Harry smiled.  
  
"Oh. You have got to go to the station now!" Hagrid said alarmed. "Blimey, I need to keep better track of time."  
  
Harry laughed, and guided Cho out the door.  
  
"Harry, are you okay? I mean, about your parents?" Cho asked anxiously.  
  
"Yeah," Harry kissed her chastely on the cheek. "Thanks for being concerned though."  
  
Harry and Cho found Ron and Hermione in a compartment near the back of the train, and they joined them. Harry took out his mum's diary to show to Ron and Hermione. "It was my mum's," He said proudly.  
  
"Where did you get it?" Ron asked, interestedly.  
  
"Hagrid gave it to me. My mum left it in Dumbledore's care."  
  
"Harry." Cho tugged on his arm, trying to get him to notice her.  
  
"What Cho?" he asked.  
  
"Well Hagrid said that you were asking some special person about your parents' history. And who would that be? I know it isn't the Dursleys, because you told me all about them. Do you have some kind of surrogate parent?"  
  
Harry looked alarmed, and so did Ron and Hermione. They shook their heads adamantly at Harry. It was quite obvious that they didn't want him to tell her about Sirius. Harry was stuck in a jumble now. What to do? He really, really liked Cho, and he trusted her, but he was disappointed to find that his friends did not.  
  
"Harry. I have a feeling you are not telling me something," Cho raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
Harry was put on the spot now. Hermione was mouthing, "No," at him, and Cho was glaring at her. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Cho had had enough.  
  
"Harry I'm leaving. Obviously you have something important to tell me, but you don't trust me with the knowledge of it." She was on the brink of tears. Harry stood up and tried to intercept her at the compartment door, but she was too quick for him.  
  
"Hermione!" Harry shouted in exasperation.  
  
"How could you screw things up for them like that Hermione?" Ron glared at her.  
  
"Oh, as if you weren't shaking your head at him too, trying to get him not to tell her." Hermione stood up in a huff. Ron tried to grasp her arm and pull her back, but she slapped his wrist. "I am leaving too!"  
  
Harry and Ron stared at each other. "God, women can be so touchy." Ron finally said to clear the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Erm, Ron. I think they are right, not us. We men are just incredibly tactless." Harry sighed, accepting the truth.  
  
"Well go after her mate! You should tell her. We're sorry. We did put you on the spot. If she's still mad after you tell her, blame us, after all it was our fault."  
  
"Well, it was my fault too," Harry grabbed his mother's diary. "I am going to go find her Ron."  
  
"Good luck mate," Ron said. Harry opened the compartment door and was about to leave when Ron stopped him. "Hey will you tell Herm that I'm sorry?"  
  
The short, bushy-haired girl stepped into the compartment with her hands on her hips and turned to Ron. "Why don't you tell her so yourself?"  
  
Ron looked extremely flustered, and stood up to face Hermione. "I'm really sorry, about what I said. I just didn't want Harry to be mad at me. I shouldn't have just blamed you though."  
  
"Okay. That works for now Ron." Hermione sat down beside him, and patted his knee. "Wait. I have a wonderful idea. Why don't you read a bit of this, for punishment!" and she pulled a worn and tattered copy of a book bearing the name "Hogwarts: A History" out of her bag.  
  
"No!" Ron begged, "I'll do anything Herm."  
  
She grinned evilly, and Harry snickered at his friend's predicament. Suddenly he became sober and frowned. He was almost sure that it wouldn't be that easy to get Cho to forgive him, but he had to try. He sighed, afraid to face his girlfriend as he set off to find her. 


	2. PART ONE: Lily's DiarySeptember 1, 1970

September 1, 1970  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today will be my first day at Hogwarts, I am so nervous that I am shaking. I really want to fit in but my parents are muggles. I just know I won't be able to do magic there, and I will disgrace myself and my family. I will have no friends. On a more cheerful note, I won't have to listen to Petunia's morning piano serenades until Christmas!!! That is worth all of the embarrassment at this new school, I am convinced that I will be fine as long as I don't have to hear Mozart again at 6 in the morning. I hope mum doesn't find this or I could be grounded for a month, then again I won't be home, so that isn't possible. Well I am so nervous I am rambling on and on, what is wrong with me anyway? Well the car is packed and I am leaving in ten minutes. I really hope I didn't forget anything, that would be so mortifying if I showed up to my first class without a wand. Well I won't think about that. Wish me luck.  
  
Sincerely, Lily Marie Evans  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am on the train and my new friend James is changing. I admit that I am attracted to him, but no one is ever going to discover that. It would spread like wildfire throughout the school. James is really nice, and I was crying a couple minutes ago because I am afraid of not being socially accepted at school, and he held me. Of course he was only comforting me, and I am being overly dramatic, but it is so nice to pretend. Oh what really melts me is his little lopsided grin, it is so "kissable". I know, I know, not many ten year olds use that word, but I hear Petty telling her friends how "kissable" her boyfriend Kevin's lips are all the time. Personally I don't agree, but he's not my boyfriend, so what does it matter? Oh I hear James coming so I have to put this away, it would be perfectly dreadful if he read this over my shoulder. I doubt he wants to know how I describe his mouth. Well I will write more later, probably tonight in bed.  
  
Sincerely, Lily Marie Evans  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am in bed, and I am so happy. When I was accepted to Gryffindor house everyone hugged me. I am so thrilled that I was not shunned, no one except one boy who I saw at the Slytherin table would dislike me. I heard him spreading rumors about a really shy, pretty girl at our table, calling her a "mudblood." James heard that and he draped his arm over my shoulder protectively. I feel like we are going to be best friends, and in my wildest dreams, dating some day. The most exquisite moment was when James joined our table and I felt my knees go weak as he grinned at me with that oh so "kissable" mouth. Then before I knew it I felt his lips brush against my cheek. He only meant the kiss as a friend, but I will treasure it forever, as my first, greatest memory at Hogwarts.  
  
In the Gryffindor common room there was a party, some older boys set off Filibuster's fireworks, and the room was illuminated in red and gold light. The head of our house, Professer McGonagall was not too pleased about the fireworks, and scolded the boys, I couldn't help but join in the laughter. James told me he loves my laugh, and if he ever is having a bad day, all I need to do is laugh, and his life will no longer be dreary. James is always complimenting me, and I don't know why. No one has ever told me how wonderful I am before. I think I have a hopeless crush on my best friend.  
  
I also met a really sweet girl named Anise, she is helplessly bubbly, but I can't not love her for it. Anise's brother is one of James' old friends named Remus Lupin, he is very quiet, but he and James are very close. It is an interesting combination, but opposites attract. Anise wanted to read my diary, but I cannot reveal to anyone my innermost secrets, especially how I feel about James. As mush as I love Anise, she could easily let it slip, and I would feel awkward around James from that day on. Well I am exhausted. I will write more sometime this week, maybe.  
  
Sincerely, Lily Marie Evans 


	3. October 31 December 25, 1970

October 31 - December 25, 1970  
  
Dear Diary, October 31, 1970  
  
So much for waiting a week to continue writing. Well I have a lot to tell you. First of all that awful boy I saw at the sorting ceremony is named Severus Snape. He is hideous, and yet very smug, and thinks he is God's gift to girls. I am disgusted by him. During one of my first defense against the dark arts classes he called me a mudblood before the entire class. I was humiliated and horrified, I honestly didn't care what he thought, but I couldn't bear taunting from others. James was furious, Madame Piqua would not let him hex Snape for being so cruel to me, but I was grateful to him anyway. I am still hopelessly languishing after James, and I believe that Anise is suspicious of that. I must be careful not to reveal anything when she mentions James to me. James is very kind to me, and we do everything together. We have had some splendid nights on the castle grounds.  
  
One evening James took me flying on his broom, we hid under his invisibility cloak which I am fascinated by, in order to avoid being caught by a teacher. I remember feeling dizzy as we swerved through trees across the grounds, and James wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me. I still remember how nice it felt to have him holding me so close. That night was splendid, and we watched the sky streaked with rose, and golden light as the sun set. James is the greatest friend I have ever had, and I will regret the day that we move our separate ways after graduation from Hogwarts.  
  
Obviously tonight is Halloween, James, Anise, Remus, and I are planning on visiting Hagrid, the assistant gamekeeper tonight. We will have a grand party which will rival any ball. James and I wanted to go as friends, but the ball was restricted to fourth years and above. I was extremely disappointed when I was informed about that, but now I do not mind in the least.  
  
Later:  
  
I fell asleep in the common room, curled up in a quiet corner that I had to search for, for ten minutes. I awoke with James' face hovering above me. I stumbled into his grasp, and steadying me, he helped me into my dormitory. I am exhausted still and it is midnight. My stomach is unfortunately upset, I fear I gobbled up too much candy for me to handle. Tomorrow I won't be able to go to classes, and James will miss me, but Anise will hopefully inform the teachers about my plight. Now I need to sleep.  
  
Sincerely, Lily  
  
Dear Diary, November 1, 1970  
  
It is early evening and my sickness has left my system, finally. I felt dreadful for hours, and after classes, Anise and James hovered over me, eager to help in any way. I feel horrible because I spit up on James. He was not disgusted, he just held my hand while Anise cleaned him up. I felt so horrible for it, and apologized obsessively. James just told me to sleep, and he murmured soothing words to lure me into slumber. That is the last thing I remember before waking up an hour ago.  
  
I told James why I was ill and he thought it was his fault. He was convinced that I devoured all of that candy, because he dared me to. I laughed because he was being so stupid and he felt hurt. James is very nice, but his temper rivals mine. It doesn't take much to anger him. I remember James glaring at me, until I grew angry at him for overreacting. My temper has cooled down, and I hope we make up soon, because life without James is very dull. I will see what happens later, but I will not plead for his forgiveness, I did nothing to be forgiven for. Oh no my temper is rising again. Wait, I hear a knock on the door. It might be James, I hope it is.  
  
Later:  
  
James has apologized to me. I remember us both laughing about our ridiculous argument. Seriously, we are both so stupid to get mad about something as silly as me teasing him a bit. After James left, Anise sat on my bed and proceeded to tell me that I am infatuated with him. I denied it, but I fear she is not convinced. I truly hope that it is not that obvious that I am head over heels for him, it would be absolutely mortifying if I found out he knows my little secret. Sometimes I stare at him, and he glances my way, then we both blush. He is so adorable when he blushes which causes a problem, I can only stare at him more.  
  
Well, I need to write an essay about monghouls and why they only eat muggle born people. It is a very dull topic, and I would like to ignore the essay, and hang out with James. I am afraid my grade would suffer if I did that though, so I will just have to waste the day catching up on my classes.  
  
Sincerely, Lily Marie Evans  
  
Dear Diary, November 15, 1970  
  
Celebrate!!! It is James' birthday today. He was excused from doing his homework for a week, and I have decided to throw him a surprise party. Anise is in the kitchens stealing food from the house elves. Of course stealing from them is not a difficult task, as they are always eager to serve the students even for a ludicrous cause.  
  
James is currently in the library, I banished him there after lunch. It was incredibly difficult to avoid telling him why he could not go in the common room. I am also having mental fatigue from spending hours trying to learn how to make a potion that sings "Happy Birthday James" before being drunk, and I have finally finished it. I hope James will be pleased with it, or I will have tortured my mind for no reason. Now I have inspected the room, and we are ready for the party to begin. James will be here very soon with Anise, I can hardly wait to see his face, that lopsided grin that will be directed at me. All of my toil will have been well worth it for a smile from James.  
  
Later:  
  
The party is over and I am devastated. James was absolutely delighted about the party and he spent most of the night with me. I remember one awful moment when I saw him go over to his friend Sirius' sister Mattie, and I watched him kiss her. Anise recognized the look of pure jealousy on my face. There can no longer be any doubt in her mind that I have a crush on James. Luckily my anger was appeased. James followed me to my dormitory to find out why I had left the party early. He was very thrilled to have a good friend like me, and he was flattering me about my potion, and then I began to laugh at him, because most people were irritated by the potion's incessant singing. James told me how happy he was that I thought to throw him a surprise party, and he wrapped his arms around me I thought as an embrace, but his face ended up a hairs length away from mine, and I suddenly could not think. James lightly kissed me, and the feel of his lips on mine still lingers. I remember his breath caressing my cheek afterwards, and then asking why he had kissed me. His answer was that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.  
  
Sincerely, Lily  
  
Dear Diary, December 25,1970  
  
Today is Christmas, and I am so happy because Mum and Dad let me stay at Hogwarts to be with my friends for the holidays. I remember Anise waking me up at 6:30 am, and I wanted to slap her. She laughed at my grumbling, and called for James. Once James began to tickle me I stopped zoning out. He gave me a photo album with our names engraved on it, as well as the words best friends underneath. Anise was jealous because my gift was so fancy, and much more splendid than the one James had given her. James was pleased with my gift for him, it was a red hat with a Gryffindor lion sewn in the center. I really have no sewing skills, but James didn't complain about my poor stitchery.  
  
This afternoon there was an ice skating competition on the school grounds. I wanted to kill James for conning me into entering it. I was a terrible skater, and I fell a couple of times, but James insisted that I had been wonderful because I had remained poised throughout the entire thing. James told me that he is going home tomorrow. I felt very sad, but he told me not to break my heart over it, that he'd be back soon. Anise and I have decided to spend the entire night doing girly stuff. Normally I am not into that, but what am I to do, I won't have any alternatives, like hanging out with James.  
  
Later:  
  
I am not tired at all and it is 2:30 in the morning. I must admit I had some fun with Anise for the past couple of hours. She wanted to give me a makeover, but I refused. I know I am not drop dead gorgeous, but I'd rather accept the real me, and not me with an artificial face. I told Anise that, and she teased me. She insisted that if I ever want to get a boy I am going to have to wear some make up. I replied that I will not date anyone as shallow as that. She didn't want to get into a row with me, so she let it drop, and we read petty articles in her issue of Modern Witches. Over all Christmas was fun, much better than it was at home where Petunia never missed a chance to tell me that I was too fat to wear the clothes Mum bought me.  
  
Goodnight, Lily Marie Evans 


	4. January 12, 1971

January 1 - 2, 1971  
  
Dear Diary,  
January 1, 1971  
  
The holidays are over, and we are once again having classes. Today I had potions first, which was annoying, because that Slytherin boy Snape is in the class. James hates Snape and as do I, mainly because he insulted me, and calls James "Potty." James is very sensitive and hates it when people make fun of him or anyone he cares about it. I am pleased with that. James can be a bit overprotective sometimes though. This morning after Potions, one of Snape's revolting friends Lucius Malfoy attempted to hex me. James tried to hide me from Malfoy, while he attacked him. I refused to look like I could not defend myself, so when James lifted his arm to shield me from Malfoy's wand, I clutched his wrist to prevent him from using his wand, and placed a charm on Malfoy that turned his robes, and hair fluorescent pink. James followed me into the common room, and he asked me why I had pushed away. I still remember how hurt he looked, but I was angry at him for being so overprotective. I accused him of being too possessive of his friends, and then the next thing I knew, James' face was inches from mine, and he was glaring at me. I felt a twinge of guilt from the glimpse of pain that I read in his eyes, but not enough to apologize. There was a long uncomfortable silence, as he stared into my eyes, hoping for me to venture forth, and admit that I was wrong, but at the time I felt that I was not wrong, so I stared insolently back at him, and then ran into my dormitory. Now I regret saying those things to him. James is a bit over protective, but he is not possessive. He was only trying to help me. I feel terrible, and I want to go apologize to him. I am going to go downstairs and sneak into the boy's dormitory to do so.  
  
Five minutes later:  
  
I have not apologized to James yet. In the common room I encountered Anise's brother Remus, and he advised that I do not go near James yet, because he is still angry, and not ready to forgive me. I asked Remus to tell James that I had not meant what I said, and he promised he would. I do hope James won't be mad at me for long. I hate it when we aren't speaking, I am always so lonely, even with Anise to talk to.  
  
Sincerely, Lils  
  
Dear Diary,  
January 2, 1971  
  
I have just awoken, and I have just remembered my fight with James. My heart is aching and I wish I could take back those hateful words I spoke to him yesterday. Anise has just told me that Remus did indeed speak to James about my apology, and that James will be coming to our dormitory in a couple of minutes. I am nervous, I do hope he is not coming to yell at me, or make me eat up my words any more than I already have. Anise wants to know why I look so pale. I don't think she quite understands how close James and I are, and how much it hurts me to think of what I said to him.  
  
I hear footsteps coming towards this room. My heart has stopped, I think it is him.  
  
Later:  
  
The footsteps did belong to James, and he came, and then we left, together. James has forgiven me. Here is my account of what happened.  
  
There was a knock on the door. I dropped this diary to the floor and my face was completely drained of any color it had left. Anise excused herself, insisting that she wanted to take a refreshing bubble bath before breakfast. I heard James' voice outside the door, and I rose slowly to my feet. My knees were weak, and I could barely walk towards the door. I was so tense, I was literally shaking. When I opened the door James was standing there. I was only capable of staring at him, taking him in, until he cleared his throat in order to capture my attention. James was wearing "seeker" pj's and his hair was ruffled from tossing and turning in his sleep. Even though he was frowning at me, he looked adorable. I longed to throw my arms around him, but I restrained myself by thinking of the what the consequences might be.  
  
"Come in," I whispered to him, in a barely audible voice. James nodded, and followed me over to my bed. I sat down, and beckoned for him to do the same, but James merely stood before me. His arms were crossed and he was gazing into my eyes. I trembled, his stare was making me incredibly uncomfortable. I then wished that he would say anything, even hateful mean words. Anything would be better than that awful silence.  
  
"James?" I looked earnestly into his eyes, imploring him to say something.  
  
"Lily." he muttered. I remember instinctively reaching for his hand, but he pulled it out of my reach. At that moment I felt the tears building up in my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. I was determined however to hold them back. I did not deserve this treatment from James, what I had done to him had been wrong, but his method of making me pay for it was cruel. I rose to my feet and raised my arm. I was about to slap him, when I realized that that really wouldn't solve our problems, so I sat back down.  
  
"James, I truly am sorry about what I said yesterday, and I wish you knew that I didn't mean it. Whenever I fly into a temper I say stupid things that mean absolutely nothing. Nothing!" I again looked up into his face, with my eyes I begged him to respond.  
  
"James. Please say something! Anything!"  
  
James slowly opened his mouth, and I sighed in relief. "Lily, tell me what made you say those things to me. I don't think you understand how much you hurt me. I have never been called possessive in my life, and I honestly don't believe that I am!"  
  
I rose to my feet, and I began to pace the room. "James, I know you're not, that's why this is so hard for me!"  
  
"Hard for you?!" James began to glare at me, and I fell to the floor. " Hard for you?!"  
  
James headed for the door muttering to himself about how pointless coming up here had been.  
  
"James, please don't leave!" I begged him. At first he ignored my plea, and continued to walk towards the door. He turned around though when he heard the sound of someone crying. It was me.  
  
"Why are you crying Evans?" he spat at me.  
  
I felt my heart, and I thought my friendship, shatter as he addressed me like he would a foe. I turned away from him, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the effect his words had had on me.  
  
"Clearly our friendship was not meant to work out, if you can't even call me Lily when we get into a fight."  
  
James walked over to me, and slumped down on the floor beside me.  
  
"I, I'm sorry Lily," I turned to look at him, and he flinched from seeing my tearstained face, and puffy, red-rimmed eyes. "Lily, I didn't mean that."  
  
Then I got an idea. I decided to give him a bit of his own medicine. I ignored him.  
  
"Lily. Lily." he shook my shoulder frantically, and I finally turned to face him. "What was that all about?"  
  
"What do you think James? What do you think?"  
  
" I don't know Lily. You tell me!"  
  
"James I was giving you a taste of your own medicine. Now you know how I felt when you ignored me."  
  
James gasped, and I thought he was angry at me until he threw his arms around me, and I felt whole again.  
  
"James, I am so sorry. I never thought those stupid things I said would result in this torture." I was crying again, but it was in happiness, and relief. James drew me closer to him.  
  
"Please don't cry Lily, please don't. I'm sorry too." then we clung to each other for a minute. When he pulled away he smiled at me.  
  
"Do you want to go to breakfast Lils?" he asked. I laughed as I heard him use my nick name. We were back on good terms again.  
  
Suddenly I remembered something, and called. "Anise, you can come out of the bathroom now. Everything's fine. Everything's back to norma1!" I called.  
  
She emerged from the bathroom, her face was pale. She ran over to us both, and hugged us, banging our heads together.  
  
"Ow!" James and I groaned, and simultaneously rubbed our foreheads.  
  
"I was waiting for you guys to make up, it took forever, and I was worried for a minute there that you wouldn't make up. And over such a silly thing like exaggerating each other's faults. I am ashamed of both of you. Now march, I'm hungry, especially after that time in the bathroom. Man it's stuffy in there!"  
  
James and I laughed, and then we reached instinctively for each other's hand. The pressure of his hand in mine made my heart swell with joy. Then we followed Anise to the great hall for breakfast.  
  
Sincerely, Lils 


	5. February 1 March 5, 1971

February 1 - March 5, 1971  
  
Dear Diary, February 1, 1971  
  
This is the first day of mid year exams. I am a nervous wreck. All of my friends have in turn tried to calm me down, but nothing works. I am not one to take tests lightly. It is quite unfortunate as it interferes with my social life. Yesterday there was a party in the common room to celebrate the end of the half term. I did not attend. James begged me to come with him, but I needed to study my notes about how to transfigure a poisonous snake into a length of rope. I kept on muttering "venemosas serpientas" and practicing imagining the transformation in my mind, for the exam. I believe I did well on the test after all, but the preparation for it was rather stressful. James and Anise returned from the party late at night, to say goodnight to me. Apparently they found me sleeping at my desk, my wand hanging limply in my hand, and my textbook open on the floor beside me where I had dropped it in frustration. They tried not to rub in how much fun they had had at the party, while I was studying, especially since I had chosen studying over the party. Oh well, I have three more exams tomorrow, and they are in simple classes, DADA, herbology, and charms. James was worrying about the charms exam, because that is his worst class.  
  
Well at least I don't have to kill myself over my books tonight. However, I fear for James' already suffering grade in charms, because he has refused to look at his book tonight. I argued with him about how foolish doing that was, but he insisted that if he studied all night, and into the early morning, he wouldn't do any better on the exam than if he hadn't. Well James will suffer the consequences of not reviewing for the exam, when he receives his marks on it.  
  
I am exhausted, and it has been a long day. I am going to go to sleep now.  
  
Goodnight, Lils  
  
Dear Diary, MY BIRTHDAY (March 5, 1971)  
  
I am finally eleven!!! Today is a wonderful day. At 3:31 in the morning all of my friends trooped into my room for the countdown to the exact time when I would turn eleven. It was so sweet of them, and I am not very cranky this morning, which is odd, because I am not known to be a morning person. I received plentiful gifts from home. Petunia did not give me anything, and I am worried that she doesn't like me anymore. You see she has no tolerance for Halloween, and magic, so my being a witch complicates our relationship quite a bit. I am shocked that Mum didn't force her to give me a present, but Mum has always been fairly lenient with Petunia. Her expectations of Petunia's behavior have always been fairly lax.  
  
James gave me a photo album. It has pictures of us together from the day we met, to last night. There was one adorable picture of me sleeping in the common room, curled up in an armchair by the fire. I look like myself as a baby in it. Mum says that when people sleep there expression is always rather childish.  
  
Well I will write more later.  
  
LATER:  
  
This has been the worst day of my life. There was an attack of dark wizards on Hogwarts. I remember it was late afternoon, and James, his friends Sirius and Remus, Anise, and I were heading back to the common room from the game keeper in training, Hagrid's, hut. I heard something behind me, and I screamed in terror. A man, brandishing his wand, chanted an incantation. He attempted to curse me by shouting "Crucio", but James pushed me out of the way in time. By then I was weeping, and Anise was in hysterics. James was trying to help me get off the grounds, while Remus and Sirius carried Anise, who was so frightened she could barely stand. The men behind us began to increase in numbers, but suddenly Dumbledore was there. he wove a protective charm around all of Hogwarts which repelled the dark wizards. They were gone. Anise had her arms around Sirius' neck, and she was clinging to him in terror. James looked at me and asked if I was all right. I told him I was, but that was not true. I was in fact quite traumatized. I stared at my wand, and my hand began to shake as I thought about the truly terrible deeds a person could do with such an instrument. With out realizing it I whimpered, and James wrapped his arm around my waist in order to comfort me.  
  
"I'm sorry your birthday was so awful Lils," he murmured. I felt safe in the circle of his arms, and was very grateful to have such a wonderful friend.  
  
Sincerely, Lils 


	6. March 15 June 1, 1971

March 15 - June 1, 1971  
  
Dear Diary, March 15, 1971  
  
Something horrible happened, and it was caused by the attack against Hogwarts on my birthday. Apparently the evil wizard Voldemort who killed my biological father, and cursed my mother with an incurable disease, entered Hogwarts grounds that day. For a week a Hufflepuff girl was missing, and yesterday some Slytherin students found her body hidden deep in the forbidden forest during a detention. This girl was half muggle. I was very upset by this, knowing that it could have been me. The dark wizard who had attempted to curse me, had used an illegal curse. Dumbledore is nearly in pieces, because he feels it is his fault that she has died, because Hogwarts was not sufficiently protected before. The thing was Voldemort had not been a threat to Hogwarts until that fateful day last week. I feel terrible for this girl's parents, I think her name was Melanie Kriscoll, and I read in the wizard paper that they feel guilty for sending her to the wizarding world to her doom. It is not their fault, but when someone close to you dies, you believe it is your fault. No matter how irrational your excuse to blame yourself is, you believe it is true. This happened to me when my cat Mishy died when I was seven. I thought it was my fault that she got cancer because the food I fed her was unhealthy. Blaming myself for Mishy's death was how I avoided coming to terms with my loss. I told James about this, and he told me that he is sure that he would have felt the same way.  
  
I wish my birthday had not been the day that Voldemort struck. It was supposed to be my special day, not the day that brought terror and grief into Hogwarts. Well I am rather depressed right now, and I don't even have classes to take my mind off the terrible finding that those Slytherins made. They have been canceled in honor of poor Melanie Kriscoll. I need to talk to James, because as they say, "misery loves company."  
  
Sincerely, Lily  
  
Dear Diary, March 25, 1971  
  
Today is a much better day than when I wrote last week. Our classes have resumed, and life is back to its monotonous schedule. Monotone is much better than excitement, because some excitement is not pleasant. When something "exciting" occurs, it may be something that is also tragic. I know this through experience. Well today I did not have Potions. I am always pleased when I do not have that class, for it is duller than dull, and I have it with the Slytherins, and that just makes it a thousand times worse. Oh, on a more positive note, I received an A on my latest charms essay. Professor Flitwick told me that he is seriously considering placing me in advanced Charms in my third year. I am so pleased to excel in something. I mean all of my friends are "the best" at something, and I couldn't bear it if I was not. James is the best seeker in Hogwarts history, and Anise is the best singing witch in our school. She is invited to the balls to sing, and she always tells me all about how thrilling the balls are. I can not wait until my fourth year, for then I can experience the thrill of ball going myself.  
  
Tonight James is going to teach me to fly. Before Quidditch practice he is going to help me overcome me fear of heights and falling. I am anxious to learn how to enjoy that art. I will write more later, after my flying lesson.  
  
LATER:  
  
The flying lesson went well overall. James first taught me how to sit up straight and tall, and to hold on to the broomstick tightly, in other words, how to hold on for dear life at the same time. It was nearly impossible at first to not sit hunched over clutching the broomstick until my arms went limp from overuse. James has faith in me though, and he is determined that by our next flying lesson, I will be able to ascend into the air flying in the way that he directed me to. I do not believe that that is possible, but James seems to.  
  
Sincerely, Lils  
  
Dear Diary, June 1, 1971  
  
Whoa!!! I have been so busy in the past couple of months that I neglected you!!! I have never forgotten to write in this diary for more than a month. Well this entry will be very long, as I have much to tell.  
  
April was extremely dull. I barely remember what happened during that month. All I recall is taking an extremely difficult exam in transfiguration, which I barely passed.  
  
May was slightly more eventful. One day James' father sent him an invisibility cloak out of the blue. James has not ceased to tease me about my reaction to the cloak when he first wore it. I had shrieked and then begun to cry, because I thought the cloak was full of dark magic, and had been sent by a dark wizard disguising it as a gift from James' father. I thought that this evil dark wizards' intent was to make James disappear. This was all before I realized that the cloak was no ordinary cloak. I am still a bit wary of it though, for it does seem to have a hint of black magic in it.  
  
Yesterday I finished all of my final exams. The Hogwarts express is to arrive in an hour to take all of us students back home. Anise and I barely slept a wink last night, we instead stayed up into the wee hours of the morning bawling because we won't see each other for three entire months. It seems silly now, three months will fly by, and before we know it we will be at King's Cross station ready for another magical year at Hogwarts.  
  
I do not have to part with James because he is coming to stay with my family for the first month of summer vacation. I am very pleased that Mum and Dad allowed him to stay at our house for some time, because they have postponed my tearful farewell with James. James has just come into my dormitory to help me finish packing, as I am terrible at it. All of my things will not fit in my bags. It is quite frustrating. Anise insisted that she would help, but she was in the same predicament last night that I am in now. Well I promise to write more sooner rather than later.  
  
Sincerely, Lils 


	7. June 2 10, 1971

June 2 - 10, 1971  
  
Dear Diary, June 2, 1971  
  
Today is my first day at home. Yesterday was terrible and it would have been worse if James hadn't been there. Yesterday I lost my sister forever. First of all she was not at all pleased to see me when I arrived, and then I went upstairs to my bedroom and she had completely trashed it. I was so angry that I am afraid of what James thinks of me now, he's never seen me that infuriated. Well I want Petunia to clean my room but she refuses to. I spoke to Mum, but she did not console me. She only defended Petunia by insisting that she is just a bit jealous of me, is having a tough time in Algebra, and just broke up with her boyfriend Kevin. Well I say that's just too bad for her. She didn't have to take it out on me.  
  
James helped me organize my room, it was embarrassing because he saw some of my underclothes. James did not say anything though. James also told me that I should be upset about what Petunia did, because she was only being an immature brat. I agree completely.  
  
Last night I had a nightmare. It was about the evil wizard Voldemort murdering my family, and then placing the fatal curse on me the second before I woke up. I was crying for a couple of minutes when James heard me and wanted to know what was wrong. He held me for a couple of minutes, and told me not to worry about Voldemort killing anyone in my family. My crying eventually subsided but the dream has left a lasting mark of fear in my life. James felt guilty because it was his idea to take me to see Hagrid the day I was nearly attacked by a Death Eater. I told him that it was not his fault, but he refused to listen. I hate it when he is angry at himself for doing nothing. I told him so, and he hugged me tightly to him, telling me that I am the best friend he's ever had, and ever will have. I was so happy, and overall my summer vacation has come off to a good start.  
  
Lils  
  
Dear Diary, June 10, 1971  
  
James is leaving today. I am sad because I will be away from him and all of my close friends, for more than two months. I can hardly wait until school starts up again. Anise will be pleased to see me, and I her. She has written to me nearly everyday since our last day of school. She is incredibly annoyed with her brother Remus right now because he hasn't told his friends James and Sirius his big secret. Anise told me yesterday that Remus is a werewolf. I do hope James will still be friends with him, because it is not Remus' fault. I hope he doesn't pity him either, because I know Remus. He won't want pity, he'll want social acceptance.  
  
In an hour James will be leaving. I wish he could stay here for the entire summer. We would have so much fun. Oh no I am already beginning to cry, I hope James doesn't see me, he made me promise that I would not get all depressed when he left. I am incapable of keeping some promises, clearly. Oh well, at least he can be sure that I am not pleased to see him go. Now James will be coming in soon to finish packing his suitcase, I will have to leave the room when he does so, because I couldn't bear watching him prepare to leave.  
  
LATER:  
  
I did stay and watch James pack, except I also helped him, which wasn't quite as painful as just sitting there looking on. James chided me for crying over him, because my eyes were bright red when he returned to my room. James hates it when I cry, because he says it makes him feel miserable as well. When he said that I laughed and cheered up a bit while we tried to shove all of his belongings into one tiny bag.  
  
James is gone now and I am all alone, sitting in my room, desperately trying to the think of something to do, other than write in this journal. Not that that is dull or anything, it just doesn't make me feel any better about being away from all of my friends for two months. Well I will write a little bit more about one happy thing that happened today. When James' car pulled up in our driveway I began to cry again, and James kissed me quickly. I hope when we are older we can be a couple.  
  
Sincerely, Lils 


	8. LETTERS June 15 August 31, 1971

LETTERS - June 15 - August 31, 1971  
  
Dear James, June 15, 1971  
  
I have missed you so much in the past five days. Petunia is being perfectly dreadful to me. Yesterday she called her ex boyfriend Kevin and he apparently rejected her because right after she hung up the telephone ( muggle technology for communication), she criticized everything about me. She told me that I am fat, hideous, and don't deserve to live. It all seems quite ridiculous now but I do feel a bit chubby at times. Don't worry I'm not becoming anorexic James, I promise.  
  
Have you heard from Anise or Remus recently? They have been corresponding with me a lot recently, and I hope with you too.  
  
How is life at home, and your mum and dad? Is your dad's job calming down, and is he getting sufficient sleep? If not try this spell. "Momentus Dormira", it is like a sleeping pill with no side effects. Try it.  
  
Love,  
  
Lils  
  
Dear Lils , June 18, 1971  
  
Hey! Thanks for the spell, it worked!!! Dad is all perky now, and he spends less time at the ministry, because he can get his work done quicker when he is awake. And yes Anise and Remus have written to me. Remus has told me something dreadful, but I don't hold it against him. When Remus was five years old he was bitten by a werewolf, and as you know that is incurable. Please don't scold but I told Sirius and we are contemplating becoming animagus in a couple of years to be with Remus when he transforms into his beastly state once a month.  
  
I miss you too, but my sister Martha is home from Italy where she studies magical cures. I spoke to her about finding a cure for Remus, and she said she is sorry, but she and her colleagues have been trying to find a cure for werewolves for many years. Unfortunately, they have not been successful.  
  
Martha took me to the wizard beach yesterday and it was absolutely delightful. I wish you, Sirius, Remus, and Anise had been there, the day would have been a thousand times more exciting if you had. Well don't worry I am not moping, and you had better not be wither. And don't let whatever Petunia says to you bother you. And you are not chubby in the least, and I don't ever want to hear you say that, because it is not even remotely true.  
  
Love,  
  
James  
  
Dear James, July 1, 1971  
  
I am sorry I haven't written in so long, but mum and dad took Petunia and me to vacation in America. We visited Salem, which is where witches and wizards were persecuted in the 17th century. I even got a signed copy of the book "A History of Magic" by Batilda Bagshot ( see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban), and her fiction novel "Banned Magic in Salem Village". I have finished reading the latter and it is fascinating. I do hope Professor Binns will cover information about witch trials next year, because if I hear about one more goblin rebellion I will scream. I will scream really, really loud!!!  
  
It was difficult talking to the Americans, their accents were so unrefined that I could hardly tell what they were saying to me half the time. So I would just nod, or shake my head after asking "what was that?" about a thousand times. I do hope they didn't find me rude.  
  
I also hope Martha finds a cure for Remus, and becoming an animagus sounds like it would be a wonderful idea, if it was not illegal for underage wizards to do so. (Humph) Well write back later.  
  
Love, Lils  
  
Dear Lils, July 9, 1971  
  
Can't you let me have any fun, wouldn't I just be an adorable stallion? I think I would, and I bet you do too. Oh please, I could use my invisibility cloak to keep the teachers from knowing. Please Lils, please, please, please!!! Oh it's no use arguing with you because when you have your mind made up, it's made up for good. Oh well, someday I will become a stallion. I promise you that Lily Marie Evans!!!  
  
So you enjoyed your trip to America? I went there once with my father. He went to the hidden New York City to speak with the American Minister of Magic. It was interesting there, but nowhere is like home.  
  
I am sorry but I haven't much to say. Life has been fairly dull for this past month. Not for you though, you went on vacation without me. I am devastated.  
  
Love,  
  
James  
  
Dear James, July 17, 1971  
  
Half of the summer is over. Finally!!! Now do not beg me to allow you to become an animagus, I absolutely forbid it. Although someday I am sure you will make a handsome stallion. Oh and since your life is so dull, I will lend you my copy of "Banned Magic in Salem Village" pronto. I am sorry but I haven't much to say. After our vacation, life has become extremely monotonous, I wish you were here James. I still miss you.  
  
Love, A sad and bored Lils  
  
NOW THIS IS MY JOURNAL ENTRY. THE FIRST ONE IN MONTHS. WRITING ONCE A WEEK TO JAMES TAKES UP A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY. I am kidding, well the rest of the summer is over, it is August 31, and I can hardly wait until tomorrow morning. It's off to Hogwarts I go! Well I must finish packing my bags, and this journal, so farewell until tomorrow.  
  
Sincerely, Lils 


	9. PART TWO: The First Yule Ball

THE FIRST YULE BALL (December 25, 1974)  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have not written in a couple of years. Well not anything truly important. Just everyday magic, and stories about me lusting after James. James and I have obviously matured a lot in the past 3 years. I am now thirteen, and James turned fourteen about a month ago. I still fancy James, but I must keep it at a minimal level, for he is dating Mattie, Sirius' sister. Mattie is very sweet, so I am not rude to her in my jealousy. James is still adorable, and he flirts with me everyday. James is a rather flirtatious guy, and it has caused many girls to dump him in the past. Fortunately for him, Mattie understands and accepts his rather annoying nature. The worst part is James flirts with me a lot, and it makes me all giddy, and I feel like I am revealing to the world that I would gladly take Mattie's place any day.  
  
Tonight will be my first Yule Ball at Hogwarts. You must be a 5th year student to attend for the first time. I am very anxious to arrive, and I do hope James will dance with me at least once, to save me from the embarrassment of being seen without a date. You see I am rather shy around most boys so they ignore me, and no one asked me to accompany them to the ball. Of course it would be much too frightening for me to ask them. I am wearing an emerald green gown that Anise insists makes me look "drop dead gorgeous". Personally I don't think that is possible. Well I need to get ready for the ball, I will write more later.  
  
LATER: James flirted with me atrociously tonight. It was terrible, because Mattie began to be annoyed with me, and I was completely embarrassed. James certainly knows how to make me reveal that I am languishing after him. When the first slow song began to play, I was looking longingly at him as he approached Mattie. I remember his last comment to me. He said teasingly, "Jealous Lils?" before he escorted her to the dance floor. I blushed scarlet, and I hated James for it.  
  
Later, James felt bad for me being all alone, so he asked me to dance once. The band was playing one of my favorite songs but I barely noticed, because I was so close to James. His arms around me made me feel young, and alive, and I nearly forgot that we were "just" friends. And he kept on grinning at me with that old lopsided grin which has never ceased to make my heart skip a beat. And his eyes, they are indescribably arousing. I felt like they were penetrating my soul, and I felt like I was revealing my innermost secrets to him, without thought or embarrassment, as his blue depths gazed into my own eyes. After the song ended and James returned to Mattie, I began to feel extremely envious of her, and I had to restrain myself from glaring in her direction. I wish James couldn't make me feel this way. If he didn't we could just go on being friends, nothing would stand in our way.  
  
Lils  
  
Dear Diary, December 26, 1974  
  
I had a nightmare last night. It was this recurring one about Voldemort killing my family, and I wake up just as he is in the process of finishing me off. I woke up screaming, and all of the girls tried to calm me down, but they knew that only James would be of any help. Before they could send for him he was there beside me, holding me close, murmuring words of reassurement. I cried in his arms for a couple of minutes, then James drew the curtains around my bed to give us privacy. Then James told me not to worry about Voldemort, and he charmed my pillow with an anti - nightmare spell which he had been working on for years. I recall James yawning, and I begged him to go back to sleep, as it was the wee hours of the morning, but James insisted on waiting until I fell asleep. I was still a bit shaken from my dream, and was clinging to his shoulders when I realized that his face was barely a hairs length from mine. I felt his breath warming my mouth, and then his lips brushing against mine. Suddenly I felt this new sensation that I had never felt before. It made my heart beat uncontrollably, and I held back a moan. I longed to deepen the kiss, but I knew I could not reveal to James how I truly felt about him. Thus I pulled away before the temptation to kiss him senseless overpowered my mind. James looked at me, and muttered "sorry about that, just wanted to make sure you were okay." Then he flashed me his killer grin and I felt myself go weak. "Goodnight James," I gasped, with my eyes I pleaded him to go before I grew even weaker, and lost all control over my raging hormones.  
  
Lils 


	10. December 26, 1974 Evening

December 26, 1974 (Evening)  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have not spoken to James much today. I am still in a way angry at him for kissing me, and making me so vulnerable. He looked a little hurt this morning at breakfast because I would not talk to him. Anise took me upstairs to our dormitory afterwards and demanded to know what was happening between us. I tried not to tell her, but Anise has a way of reading my mind. She told me that it wasn't really my fault, but not to tell Mattie, because she wouldn't understand. I will apologize to James tomorrow, I don't think he knew that his kiss would have such an effect on me.  
  
LATER:  
  
I took a nap after classes ended and woke up late at night. I left my DADA homework in the common room, so I went down to get it. At the bottom of the stairs I heard passionate sounds. Mattie was sitting on the couch and James was beside her, kissing her. It wasn't an innocent kiss either, it was a long passionate one. I imagined that it was me who James was kissing. It was me who felt his wonderfully soft lips on mine. I was in a complete reverie when I heard someone gasp.  
  
"Lily?!!! What are you doing here?" James looked slightly upset, but Mattie was furious.  
  
"I'm sorry Lily that you can't have my boyfriend, but don't spy on us!!!"  
  
I felt tears in my eyes, but was relieved to hear James reprove her.  
  
"I do not want James!" I spat at her. "I was coming downstairs to get my defense against the DARK arts homework!!!"  
  
"Well than stop flirting with him every chance you get!"  
  
I wanted to slap her silly, I wanted to wipe her smirk off her face, but instead I turned on my heal and ran up the stairs to my room.  
  
I heard James say, "I'll be right back." and then Mattie threatened to break up with him then and there, if he went after me.  
  
James turned away from her, and I heard his footsteps on the stairs. "Well Mattie, if you can't accept that Lily is my best friend, and that I can't just let her cry alone up there, then I think it would be better if we called off this relationship right now!"  
  
Then I heard the sound of a slap, and Mattie screaming "Fine, be that way!"  
  
I felt guilty for ruining James' love life. Now he was dateless, and it didn't even make me happy about it, because it was all my fault. I soon heard the door open, and Anise looked at James.  
  
"James? Are you okay?" she asked rushing over to him. "It looks like she hit you pretty hard!"  
  
"Anise, don't." I glared at her.  
  
"Oh, sorry Lils.James, I'll go get you a warm cloth to put on your cheek." and with that she was gone.  
  
"I'm sorry James," I muttered. "Its all my fault, isn't it?"  
  
"No Lily, you can't think that. It just wasn't meant to be."  
  
I didn't sound convinced. "You didn't seem to think so when you were making out with her though, did you?"  
  
"Lily, please," he reached out and took my hand. "Do you really think I would date someone who tried to make me give up my friendship with you?"  
  
I felt touched that he was so attached to me. "No."  
  
"Now I'm sorry about what Mattie said to you. It is not true. I flirt with you, and with everyone else, she just didn't like that, and wanted to find someone else to blame it on."  
  
"That's okay, James."  
  
"Hey," he pulled back to study my face. "Why wouldn't you talk to me earlier? Did I do something wrong?"  
  
"No. I'm sorry. I can't really say, but." my voice trailed off. I could tell that he knew about my longing for him.  
  
"Oh." he pulled me into a hug. "Sorry, I thought I'd upset you, but I couldn't think how."  
  
I smiled, and secretly thought. "Well yeah, you did upset me, not intentionally though."  
  
Then I relaxed in his arms, until I felt his fingers running through my hair, and I was beginning to feel the need to kiss him again. I leaned my forehead on his chest, and his hand moved to the nape of my neck. I gasped at the sensation of his fingers brushing against my skin.  
  
"What's wrong Lils?"  
  
I felt my heart stop. "That tickles!!!"  
  
"Oh sorry," he removed his hand from my hair and it landed on my waist. It felt so strong and comforting that I wished we could stand there like that forever, his arm around me.  
  
"And your sister called you fat, and you believed her?" he looked concerned.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Lily you are not fat in the least."  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"You're quite bony, actually."  
  
I then realized what he was referring to and I felt my cheeks burning.  
  
He blushed as well. "Ohh." I laughed nervously.  
  
"Sorry Lils." he muttered, and I felt him back away.  
  
"Goodnight James, again I'm sorry about Mattie."  
  
"Nothing to be sorry about Lils." and he walked out of my dorm.  
  
Anise opened the bathroom door a second later, and she looked like she was about to burst.  
  
"What was going on out there?"  
  
"Eavesdropping on us Anise? Oh and hey, what ever happened to that wash cloth you were going to give James?"  
  
She smiled sheepishly. "Oh that. He didn't seem to need one once he started to talk to you Lily."  
  
"Oh and what is that supposed to mean?" I teased her.  
  
"Lily, I predict that you and James will be going out with each other before this month is over."  
  
I looked at her like she was crazy. "Sure Anise, whatever you say." And I got into bed.  
  
"Yeah, whatever I say is right," I heard her mumble, and then she laughed to herself.  
  
James is not attracted to me in the least. or is he?  
  
Love, Lils 


	11. December 27 28, 1974

December 27 - 28, 1974  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I dreamed about James last night. It was very pleasant at first, but later turned into a nightmare. Anise said that Mattie heard me calling out his name in my sleep. I do hope that she won't tell James that I am desperately attracted to him, in retaliation for me breaking them up last night. For some reason Anise thinks that my crush is mutual, but I don't think so. James is just very flirtatious with everyone, especially with me because I am his best friend. In the dream James finally kissed me, and the dream was sad too. At breakfast James asked if I had a nightmare again last night. I told him that I did, and he demanded to know what it was.  
  
I said that he was in it, and we were together in a place called Godric's Hollow, when the evil Voldemort attacked us. I heard James tell me to save someone named "Harry", and then I saw him collapse, dead. I was sobbing, and the last thing I remembered was me pleading with Voldemort to have mercy on the baby "Harry", to kill me instead. I was crying when I finished telling him my dream. By then James had led me out to the great hall, and he held me while I cried. When I had calmed down, James asked me cajolingly, "Why was I in your dream?"  
  
I smiled, "Because we are best friends, and it would hurt me so much if you truly did die."  
  
James laughed, and I wanted to know why my explanation amused him so much.  
  
"Lily, are you sure I wasn't in your dream because you are secretly in love with me?"  
  
I raised my arm and when James realized that I was about to slap him he clutched my wrist.  
  
"What was that for? I was kidding you know."  
  
I struggled to pull myself out of his grasp. "I'm sorry, James."  
  
"You're so tense Lily, calm down, and take things a little more lightly." And he released my wrist.  
  
"James, I will if you will stop flirting with me. I wish you could just treat me like you used to, like your best friends, not someone to play with."  
  
James took my hand in his.. "I am sorry Lily, and I hope you know I don't do it on purpose." He looked slightly offended, and hurt about what I thought about him.  
  
"It's okay James. I know it's not your fault, but please try, just try."  
  
"Okay Lils, I'll do anything to make you happy," he said sincerely.  
  
I smiled, and hugged him. "Thanks James, I didn't know our friendship meant that much to you."  
  
"Of course it does Lils, of course it does. I don't know what I'd do without you." And he lifted my chin. I was trembling inside knowing that he was going to kiss me, and I knew I was too weak to hold back my emotions. My last coherent thought escaped me as his lips made contact with mine. I moaned and then I felt my tongue wetting his lips, urging them to open. James gently pushed me off him.  
  
"Lily?" he looked at me in pure shock.  
  
I realized that I had just revealed to him how I felt for him, and in terror, afraid to ever face him again, I fled to my dormitory. That's where I am now, and I don't know what to do. James will probably be up here soon, and he'll want to know everything. He won't want to be my friend anymore, or he will tease me constantly about my crush, which might be worse. I need to try to sort things out. I will write more later, unless I am too depressed.  
  
Lils  
  
Dear Diary, Dec. 28, 1974  
  
James won't say anything about what happened yesterday. Whenever we are together he pretends that nothing happened. I really wish he would say something about it, at least then we could put it behind us. I am going to talk to him right now, and write more later.  
  
LATER:  
  
James was sitting on his bed, his back turned to me, when I entered his dorm. I stood beside him, and looked down at the photo album he was holding. It had pictures of us throughout the years, and then I gasped as I saw a picture of us standing in the Great Hall, kissing.  
  
"Is that yesterday?" I dreaded his answer.  
  
"Yes." I heard, and then I collapsed beside him on the bed.  
  
"Lily, what was that all about anyway?"  
  
I groaned, and lay back, covering my face with his pillow.  
  
"Lily, come on, I want to know."  
  
I felt the bed move and suddenly he was leaning over me trying to pry the pillow out of my hands.  
  
"Lily. let go!!!"  
  
I reluctantly released the pillow, and I sat up slowly.  
  
"I, I don't know why I kissed you yesterday James."I lied.  
  
"Yes you do Lily. Are you attracted to me?" he asked.  
  
"That's not a fair question," I said stubbornly avoiding the answer.  
  
"Yes, Lily. I think it is, and that I have a right to know."  
  
I was shaking, and my face went pale. "Yes James, I guess I am a little."  
  
He turned his face from mine.  
  
I then clutched his arm, and said. "James look at me please."  
  
"Lily, you promised that we would always be just friends."  
  
"That was years ago James."  
  
"Lily, I love you like a sister, but I don't feel for you in that way."  
  
I released his arm, and my lips trembled. "Well you sure fooled me, and everyone I know." Then the tears I was trying to hide ran down my face, and I began to sob.  
  
"Lily, please." he wiped the tears out of my eyes.  
  
I stood up. "I have to go," I mumbled. James looked over at me, and nodded.  
  
I walked out of his dorm thinking how that did not go well at all. And I think James won't want to be my friend anymore. I wish he could have at least given me hope that someday he might love me too, but he didn't, and my heart is breaking.  
  
Lily 


	12. December 29, 1974

December 29, 1974  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I told Anise what happened and she held me while I cried. Mattie showed up and she laughed at me. I was so mad, that I cursed her with the body bind. Anise revived her, but gave her a memory loss charm so she wouldn't get me in trouble. I can not believe what James said to me, and that I actually told him that I am attracted to him. Now he knows, and he didn't even come after me, like he usually does when I cry. I felt lonely, even with Anise there, by my side.  
  
I should have known that James wasn't attracted to me. If he was he wouldn't have been dating, and kissing Mattie. Why did I let him fool me? I have been languishing after him for so long, and all he could say was he didn't feel the same towards me. At least for once in his life he was being completely honest with me. Maybe he will stop flirting with me, and making me lose control of my feelings. I don't think he expected me to kiss him back the other day, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself.  
  
Anise asked Remus to talk to James for me, to let him know that he could at least be my friend, if nothing more. Remus just arrived, and he has brought James with him. I need to talk to him, so I will write more later.  
  
LATER:  
  
James was very kind to me. When I first saw him tears welled up in my eyes. I needed him to be mine, but he never would be mine.  
  
"Lily, please don't cry," he begged me.  
  
He sat down on my bed beside me, and he tentatively wrapped an arm around my shoulder.  
  
"You know you can hug me James like you used to, I'm not going to break."  
  
James held me a little closer, but not close enough to turn me on, thankfully.  
  
"Lils, why didn't you just tell me. And how long has this been going on?"  
  
I shook my head, afraid to tell him that I had fancied him since the day we met.  
  
"Lily, I need to know."  
  
"Since. since the day I met you."  
  
James sighed, and took my hand. "For all those years and I never had a clue. How'd you hide it?"  
  
"James I don't know, it was really hard, but I did, until a couple days ago."  
  
James lightly kissed my forehead, and I tensed up. "Oh, sorry Lils."  
  
Anise walked in the room, and pushed James against me. "Well kiss her, you idiot!!!"  
  
"Anise, you're not helping!" I gasped, because James' lips were so near mine, that I could barely keep myself from closing the tiny space between us, and doing just what Anise wanted.  
  
James pulled away.  
  
"Anise, you don't understand do you?" his voice rose.  
  
I placed a finger on his lips to quiet him, and then something snapped. Part of me was willing myself to back away, but the other part was urging me to kiss James while I had the chance. I disregarded all reason as my lips met the pulse point of his neck, and I was in heaven when James began to gasp for air. "Lily get off!!!"  
  
I tried but I could not. I trailed my lips up to his mouth, and I kissed him passionately. Shockingly James responded, and I pulled away from him, his eyes were burning in desire for me.  
  
"James, I thought you didn't return my feelings."  
  
"James, tell her what you told me!!!" Anise demanded.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Lils, I do feel for you. I was afraid to ruin our friendship."  
  
I was in complete shock.  
  
"I knew it all along, but I denied it, until that night I was kissing Mattie. The entire time I wished it was you who I was kissing." he admitted.  
  
I was suddenly crying in joy.  
  
"Lils, what's wrong?" James asked, and then he gathered me in his arms and his lips caressed mine. Everything was all right.  
  
*** That was all a dream. I wish that it was true, but it isn't. James really did come upstairs to see me, but he didn't give me any comforting kisses, or heartwarming hugs. It was terrible, but I will dwell on my very pleasant dream right now, and try to get over him.  
  
Lily 


	13. December 31, 1974 January 1, 1975

December 31, 1974 - January 1, 1975  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Tonight is New Year's Eve. I can hardly wait. It is something will take my mind off James for awhile, hopefully. Anise is planning on being a gown designer when she graduates from Hogwarts. She insisted on practicing her skills on me. She is currently in our dormitory conjuring my gown for this evening. I can hardly wait to see it. I do hope it is not too revealing, I prefer to dress conservatively, not just because I grew up in a strict background, but I don't like to have boys gawking at me. Not that they would, because I am hardly attractive at all, but still, its best to completely avoid the situation. James is outside flying, he must be cold. I am going to go outside and offer him some tea, something that will warm him up.  
  
LATER:  
  
James took my tea, and then he continued to practice flying. I begged him to come inside the castle, because it is literally freezing outside. James declined politely, but suggested that I go inside, and help decorate the common room for this evening's festivities.  
  
Upstairs I tore Remus and Sirius away from their game of wizard's chess long enough to help me create a scarlet and gold sign that reads "Happy New Year's Gryffindors", I charmed it to make a lion's roar the second the ball dropped, and the new year officially began. I am pleased with the final product.  
  
I went upstairs to my dorm to see the dress that Anise has made. Anise was already wearing the gown that she had made for herself. It was an aqua color that shimmered in the faint sunlight. She looked absolutely gorgeous, and I told her so. Then she told me to close my eyes and she charmed the other dress onto me. When I opened my eyes I was convinced that she will make a superb gown designer someday. My own dress flows to my feet, and the hem is covered in tiny diamonds. The color of the dress, which is, to my dismay, rather low-necked, is scarlet, and has an emerald neckline. It is absolutely lovely.  
  
We went downstairs in our gowns and all of the boys stared. James had just walked in through the portrait hole when Sirius whispered, "Man, would you look at that?"  
  
James saw Anise and I and he smiled. He strolled over to us, and he took both of our hands. "You look ravishing my darlings."  
  
Anise giggled, as Sirius joined James. "Anise you look lovely," he told her. She giggled, as I, feigning anger, said "What about me?"  
  
"So do you Lils."  
  
I blushed. "You boys shouldn't flatter us so."  
  
James grabbed me by the waist and murmured in my ear, "Would you rather I tickle you?"  
  
"Nooo!!!" I cried helplessly, and then I twisted my body away from him, trying to get away, but it was useless. "James stop!!!"  
  
He smiled, "Oh but it's so much fun to make you laugh Lils, your laugh makes me feel so happy, just to be alive."  
  
I melted inside as he looked at me with his lopsided grin.  
  
"James, please don't look at me like that." my breath was quickening, and I could barely keep myself from kissing those beautiful lips.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"James, please." I gasped, my arms went around his neck, and I leaned forward instinctively, eager to feel his lips on mine.  
  
"Lils!!!" he gently lifted my arms away from his neck, and backed away.  
  
"I'm sorry." I muttered, and then I sniffled. "James I'm so sorry."  
  
Then I fled to my dorm. James showed up a few minutes later. I was lying on my stomach, and my pillow was stained with my tears.  
  
I felt the bed move as someone sat down beside me. I felt someone's hand caressing my back through the thin material of my gown.  
  
"James?" my voice was faint, and muffled from crying.  
  
"Lily, please look at me."  
  
I turned my face slowly, and he grimaced. I knew that I must have looked awful.  
  
"Lily, why does it have to be me? Why?"  
  
My body tensed, and he gazed into my eyes. "I'm sorry Lily, I shouldn't have said that."  
  
I sat up, and I threw my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder. James was clearly at a loss for words, but his hand running up and down my back soothed me, and I fell asleep. I woke up an hour later and he was gone. I was staring up into Anise's face, and she looked extremely worried.  
  
"Lils. you need to find a new guy." was all that she said. Then she helped me clean myself up in the bathroom, before we went downstairs for the party.  
  
The party was all right. I temporarily forgot about James, and as midnight struck, everyone cheered. Then hugs were exchanged. Suddenly the lights flickered out and I screamed. I am not overly fond of the dark. I tumbled to the floor, and then I felt someone land on top of me.  
  
I moaned in pain. "Lily?" I opened my eyes. James' face was hovering over mine. "Are you okay?" he asked.  
  
I nodded my head, and then the lights came back on. James stood up immediately, and helped me rise to my feet. When I stood up I clutched my side, and my sight was blurred by tears.  
  
"Lily?" I heard. And then I stumbled across the room. In the bathroom, I stripped down slowly, and I saw a fairly large bruise on my hip. I grabbed my wand, and muttered a pain reliever spell, and then I zipped up my gown, and walked back into the common room. James was waiting for me outside the door.  
  
"Lils, are you okay?"  
  
I smiled, "Yeah, just a little bruise. But I'm fine."  
  
James smiled pityingly. "Sorry the new year has come off to such a bad start."  
  
I laughed. "Hey it's not your fault James." And then I took his hand, and squeezed it. "Thanks for being there for me, for all these years."  
  
He grinned sheepishly, and I giggled. "I just made you blush James."I taunted him.  
  
He released my hand, and he threatened to tickle me. He chased me outside into the hall. The Fat Lady heard my pitiful shrieks and snapped. "Password."  
  
"Gregoria, Gregoria!!!" I yelled and then I slipped through the portrait hole, trying to escape from James. It was useless, he followed a second later, and I dove onto a sofa, I heard James coming, and then I felt his hands tickling me.  
  
"Okay, okay, you got me!!! I surrender!"  
  
"Not yet!" he said evilly, and continued to tickle me. I rolled over, but he refused to stop.  
  
"James, if you don't stop I'll kiss you."  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief as his fingers left my stomach.  
  
"Well then, that worked." I grinned, and then I rose to my feet. I stood on my tiptoes to be at his level.  
  
"You know I wasn't really going to kiss you James!!!" I whispered, and then he reached out and clasped my hand in his.  
  
"Really, that's wonderful to know Lils, because if you aren't your threat has not thwarted me," and he began to tickle me again. "And my you are ticklish which makes it all the more fun."  
  
I pulled out my wand, and muttered a spell to suspend his hand in midair. "Well, now you've had your fun James, haven't you."  
  
"Lily!!! Take that spell back at once." he begged me.  
  
I giggled. "Not unless you let me kiss you, once."  
  
"Lils, that won't do our friendship any good," he protested.  
  
"Well isn't it a pity your hand won't be able to move for awhile."  
  
"Lily Evans, you wouldn't dare. Oh all right, fine, just one tiny little peck," he muttered in defeat.  
  
I slowly walked toward him, "One tiny little peck. All right, I promise, nothing more."  
  
James was trembling by the time I reached him. "Relax James." And I lifted my hand to his face. His skin felt warm, and smooth, and I brushed my fingers across it, loving the feeling. Then my fingers stopped at his lips. I gazed into his lovely blue eyes, and I felt lost in their depths. I felt like I was floating in a sea of paradise, and then I removed my hand from his mouth, and without looking away from his eyes, my lips touched his. I pulled away for a moment, and said. "There, that wasn't so bad," but my words were intercepted by James' mouth. He kissed me tenderly, and his hand caressed my hair. He pulled it gently out of its bun, and let it cascade down my back. He finally pulled away for breath, and he realized what he had just done.  
  
"Lily. Please tell me that did not happen.It was a mistake."  
  
"James. Why is it a mistake? Why does it have to be a mistake?"  
  
"Lily. I got caught up in the moment. That wasn't supposed to happen. Please Lily, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you such hope that I."  
  
I felt like my heart had been pierced and was going to shatter, and I was miserable, and at the same time I was very angry at James. I knew that what I was going to do next would not solve our problems, but it was the only thing that I could think of to do that might ease my pain. I slapped him across the face, but that did not make me feel at all better. I wanted to scream at him, and I wanted to kiss him at the same time. Finally I bent over and picked up my wand, which I had dropped during our kiss. "Manos Usas" I muttered, and he wiggled his fingers.  
  
"There you go James," I turned on my heel and walked over to the staircase leading to my dormitory. "I kept my word. Didn't I?" And I left him standing there, all alone.  
  
I hate him! I hate him, and yet I wish he was here to hold me, and make my tears go away. I wish he was here to wash away my pain with his amazing eyes. Anise wants to talk to me, but this is one thing that I can't tell her. I don't want to be James' friend anymore, and he most certainly won't want to have anything to do with me either. Oh I need to sleep, maybe that will help me feel better. I know it won't, but I can pretend, can't I?  
  
Lily 


	14. January 2, 1975

January 2, 1975  
  
Dear diary,  
  
I woke up this morning and I remembered all about what happened yesterday. I am not speaking to James, and Anise is angry at me because I will not tell her what is wrong. All I can remember is James' kiss, and how elated I was, until he declared it to be a mistake. I also remember slapping him, and now I don't feel like he completely deserved to be slapped. I remember the feeling of his hands in my hair, and his lips on mine. When he kissed me I felt like everything was right, and I felt beautiful and desirable, even though I know I am neither. I am longing for James now more than before, and there is nothing that I can do about it.  
  
I am contemplating apologizing to James, and trying to get back on good terms, but he is stubborn, and I doubt he will have forgiven me for slapping him. I am going downstairs to the common room, maybe he will be there.  
  
LATER:  
  
Downstairs I found James, he was sitting on a sofa alone reading a book about Quidditch. I sat down beside him, and tentatively laid my hand on his shoulder. When he recognized me he turned away with a scowl.  
  
"James, please listen to me," I begged him.  
  
He gave me the silence treatment, but I still spoke to him.  
  
"I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have slapped you, you didn't deserve it."  
  
James was still refusing to acknowledge my presence.  
  
"James why can't my apology be good enough for you? You're so stubborn and you can't forgive me, even though it wasn't entirely my fault!"  
  
My temper was rising when he finally turned to face me. "What did I do that was my fault?"  
  
"You kissed me James. I thought you wanted me back, and you killed my last flickering hope that you did return my feelings with your reaction to our kiss."  
  
"What kiss are you talking about Lily?"  
  
I clasped his wrist in my hand. "Do not pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about James."  
  
"Well it was your fault, you wouldn't undo that spell unless we kissed."  
  
"James, you can't hide the truth behind that."  
  
"But the only reason I kissed you was to get back the use of my hand and it worked."  
  
"You arrogant prat!!!" I shouted, and then I started to sob. I felt someone's arms snake themselves over my shoulders, and I heard a reproving voice.  
  
"James, why do you always have to make her cry?"  
  
I turned around, and I was in Sirius' arms.  
  
"James. You're making her miserable!" he snapped at him.  
  
James stood up and walked over to us.  
  
"Well maybe if she didn't fancy me it wouldn't be so easy. It's impossible to even be her friend anymore, because she wants more than I can ever give her!"  
  
"Are you suggesting that we stop being friends?" I asked him.  
  
"Yes Lily! Yes!"  
  
I then tore myself out of Sirius' arms and glared up into James' face. "So you don't even value me as a friend. After all the years we've been together, and you don't even value me as a friend!"  
  
I turned and ran out into the hall. I sat down by the portrait of the fat lady and continued to cry. I suddenly felt someone's hands on my shoulders. Then I felt myself being pulled backwards until I was leaning against their chest.  
  
"Lily?"  
  
I pulled away the second I recognized the voice. James had followed me.  
  
"Stop it James! Just go away!" I snapped.  
  
"Lily you need to understand something. I know why I kissed you."  
  
"It doesn't matter James, it doesn't matter. Our friendship was doomed from the start."  
  
"Don't you dare say that!" He tried to wrap his arm around my waist, but I pulled myself out of his reach.  
  
"It's true James. I wish it wasn't, but it's true."  
  
"Lily." he gulped. "I think that I might feel something for you too, I'm just scared Lils. I am really scared."  
  
I turned to face him, and I took his hand in mine. "And you think that I'm not?"  
  
"I don't know Lily. I just don't want to lose you. If we broke up we couldn't be friends again."  
  
I sighed. "James, we haven't exactly been friends since I confessed how I feel about you."  
  
"When you looked at me that night I felt like I was in heaven. You had never looked at me in that way before, and when you did, I felt like I had died and been born again," he confessed. "The only thing I could think of to do was to kiss you. It scared me, because I have never needed anyone before, not like I needed you."  
  
I then cradled his face in my hands. I gazed into his lovely blue eyes, and I stepped closer to him. "James. I need you too, and it scares me too, but at the same time, I know if I don't do anything about it, it will be the greatest mistake of my life." His hands slipped around my waist and I felt my breath quickening in anticipation. My gaze fell to his lips, and I gasped, imagining how wonderful they would feel on my skin. His eyes were smoldering in desire for me, and I knew that my own eyes must have mirrored his. "James."  
  
"No more talking," he murmured huskily. I closed my eyes, and I felt his soft lips caressing mine. I began to grow weak as his tongue traced my lips urging them to part. The moment they did his tongue entered my mouth, and then I felt his hand running up my spine, and his fingers curled around my nape. I moaned, and then I pulled away for air. The second I did his mouth met my neck, and trailed down to my collarbone. I leaned back slightly, longing for more. As he kissed me his hand began to caress my nape, I shivered in delight, and his other arm tightened around my waist drawing me closer to him. He then returned his lips to mine and I kissed him hungrily. I pulled away finally, and I gasped. "James? We really do need to talk."  
  
He backed away a bit, but he did not release me. "Lily. I'm sorry I didn't tell you until now."  
  
"No James, it's fine." I leaned my forehead on his chest, and his fingers began to caress my nape again. "Stop it, you are making me so weak James, and we really do need to talk."  
  
He laughed quietly. "I understand perfectly," and he dropped his hand. It landed on my waist and I felt safe in the circle of his arms.  
  
"James, thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For loving me back." I murmured. Then he asked me if I would go out with him. I was so unbelievably happy. I have never been that happy in my life. I am glad that I revealed to James how I truly felt about him. The last few days have been awful, but today has really made enduring them very worthwhile. I am going to go tell Anise what has happened. She will be so proud, after all she did predict that James and I would be a couple before December ended. Her prediction nearly came true.  
  
Love, Lils 


	15. March 2, 1975

March 2, 1975  
  
Dear Diary, March 2, 1975  
  
It is James' and my second anniversary as a couple. I still can't believe that we are really dating. It was definitely worth the chaotic week we spent when we discovered that we liked each other. I am pleased that James is the first person that I have ever gone out with. He was really patient with my inexperience as a girl friend. We spend a lot of time in each others' dorms when everyone else is in the common room. James showed me his window seat that faces the lake on the grounds. We sit there together a lot at night, just staring at the moon's reflection in the water, enjoying each other's presence.  
  
Anise told me that she used to have a crush on James in our second year. I laughed because I could not picture James with Anise. They are good friends, but Anise is very flirty and giggly, James prefers to date girls who are more reserved like me.  
  
James is also very comforting, and whenever I am with him I feel like the amazing person he insists that I am. I feel as drop-dead gorgeous as he thinks I am, and I feel desirable as a woman. I remember one day Lucius Malfoy cornered me after Potions, and he told me that I am ugly, that my hair is fluorescent orange, that I am short and fat, and told me that James is crazy to be going out with me. I came to James crying and I told him that I was ugly. James hugged me, and told me how beautiful I am. He told me that my hair is vibrant, that it shines, and it makes me look like an angel, his angel. He said that he loves my height. I am short and I've got a temper that makes up for my lack of height, but he insisted that my quick temper makes me a fun person to be around. He also said that I am definitely not fat. To emphasize that point he lifted my shirt up a little bit so that my stomach was exposed, and he rested his hand on it. I remember being terribly afraid that James was going to take my shirt off, but I knew that he wasn't perverse so I relaxed. I began to feel aroused when his fingers began to caress my stomach, and he was laughing because I had started to moan, and cry out his name.  
  
"James stop it," I was angry because he thought that it was very amusing how much he could arouse me. Then I had kissed him senseless in revenge, and his body had tensed up. Then it was me who was laughing, because I could do that to him. James' mouth on mine caused my laughter to subside, and I enjoyed the feeling of his body pressed up against mine, and his tongue in my mouth dueling mine. James had eventually pulled away, and then we had gone to sit on his bed and talk. Clearly what Malfoy said to me, no longer upsets me.  
  
Tonight James is taking me to a restaurant in Hogsmeade to celebrate our anniversary. Then we are going to return to Hogwarts, and I will spend the night in my dorm telling Anise all of the details of our date.  
  
LATER:  
  
James met me at the secret passageway to the cellar of Honeydukes that he and his friends found last year. They call themselves the Marauders, and as you already know, they are constantly getting into trouble. James and I huddled close together under his invisibility cloak and we stole away into the great wizard city. When we reached the restaurant he took off the cloak, and we sat down. It was lovely inside, the room was candle lit, and from our window seat we caught a glimpse of a Hogwarts tower turret in the distance. Over the meal we talked about our friends and made predictions of who would get together. I told him that Anise is falling desperately for Sirius, and I learned from him that Sirius reciprocates her feelings. We have a devilish plan to get our two love sick friends together. We will begin to put it in action tomorrow. He asked me if I had had a crush on someone other than him during our 5 years at Hogwarts. I told him that I used to think that Sirius was attractive, but that I had never wanted to date anyone but him. He actually believed me, and he told me that he felt touched. I laughed and asked him if he had ever been attracted to any of my friends. He told me that for about a month last year he was attracted to my friend Marie Latelle who is going steady with the very nice, but nerdy guy, Frank Longbottom. I laughed then, because Marie is frightened of James because he likes to hex people. Of course the people he hexes are annoying Slytherins, and I told her this, but she is still afraid of him.  
  
We left as the sun set, and we watched from our secret spot by the Shrieking Shack as the sky was covered with crimson and gold clouds. When the sky darkened, we draped ourselves again in his cloak, and he leaned me against a tree. His eyes flashed devilishly and he smiled at me with his lopsided grin, and murmured "For privacy." I cut him off with a passionate kiss, because his grin had made my stomach begin to churn, and I was longing for his mouth to be on mine. He eventually pulled away and his lips attacked my neck. When we had finished kissing, he whipped the cloak off of us and we headed into Honeydukes. Then we whisked ourselves into invisibility again and returned to Hogwarts. The Fat Lady scolded us for being out in the corridors after curfew and then opened the portrait hole for us. I whispered a good night to James, and headed up to my dorm to tell Anise about our lovely anniversary dinner. Now she is asleep, and I am getting tired, so I will write more tomorrow.  
  
Love, Lils 


End file.
